Critical investigation learner response

1) Feedback
Level: 4

WWW: Wow! This is seriously impressive and already at level 4. Research is a huge strength and clear argument is maintained throughout.

EBI: 

• In places, your written English needs a little work - a second draft should clear this up.
• The new/digital media section perhaps needs linking to film - it rather stands alone at present.
• The Dark Knight Rises section needs a bit of work,  particularly at the start of the paragraph.

2) The grade I am aiming to for in my second draft is an A.

3) The things that I will do in my second draft to achieve this grade will be:

• Read my work over carefully to make sure there is no grammar mistakes and to use more critical vocabulary. This is because, it would help me get full marks if I use sophisticated language throughout my essay.
• To link my new/digital media with film, as that is the industry I am focusing on. To help me with this, I could find tweets on whether there should be more strong female characters in Hollywood films. This is because, it would relate to my argument on how the development of digital media (social networking sites) has giving women but also men, the opportunity to express their views on female characters in film.
• I need to change the beginning sentence of my Dark Knight Rises paragraph, because it does not link to my essay question. By doing this, I need to write a clear topic sentence which shows that my paragraph is going to focus on how the female characters subvert the traditional stereotypes. 
• In my Anne Hathaway paragraph (subverting the traditional female stereotypes), I need to make a clear link to my essay question.  This is because, I have focused on the way she is represented during the bar scene but I have not made made explicit reference how the character is challenging the female stereotypes.
• To research further on different perspectives about the ways females are represented in Hollywood films and whether they reinforce or subvert the stereotypes.
• To include up to date social/economical issues which link my topic, as I did not include enough in my first draft. For instance, I can research on whether women are earning more or less than men compared to previous years, or if they are still facing inequality in society.

4) The information I want to take away from the BFI Library trip are:

• Further information on Feminist beliefs on the film industry and how it has changed from previous years.
• Find out information about new theorists/academics that focus on the issue of female representations in films.
• To learn more about the future of females in Hollywood films, as it would help me with my section in my essay.